Be My Valentine, No?

8 Feb


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Dear LetterBalm: I’m in a major panic. I inadvertently found out that the guy I’m seeing plans to propose on Valentine’s Day. He doesn’t know that I know this (nobody does). The trouble is, he’s a great guy – he could be The One – and I don’t want to lose him. But I’m not ready for marriage now, and we haven’t been dating that long. We haven’t even said “I love you” to each other. I really want to tell my boyfriend that he’s rushing things without driving him away.

–Apropos Proposal

This is one tricky state of affairs. Your boyfriend is moving too fast. You seek to slow him down without quelling his ardor or, worse, breaking his heart. Ms. L.B. recommends a private sit-down with him ASAP – before Valentine’s Day. The last thing you want is to have him down on one knee with you saying “no.” You don’t want to make him uncomfortable, and, at the same time, you don’t want him to move at warp speed (or let him know you are clued in to his Valentine’s surprise). It’s important that he see your face and know your intentions. When you talk with him, be calm and sincere, look into his eyes, and say something like this:

Jack, these past few months/weeks have been some of the best I’ve ever had. It’s so wonderful to be with you, and I’m glad we’re taking a lot of time to get to know each other. I don’t want us to be those people who rush into big decisions. We’ve got many things we each want to do before we move to the next level. I hope you feel the same about this because your opinion is important to me. What do you think? Can we talk?

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