The Older Worried Woman

2 Aug

Letterbalm Older Woman Younger ManDear LetterBalm: I’m dating a woman who is 15 years older than me. She’s spectacular – she’s intelligent, beautiful and experienced. We like a lot of the same things, and we have a great time together. I’m 28, and both of us have good jobs (we aren’t co-workers). The problem is that she is embarrassed about her age. She worries that her grown kids won’t accept our relationship and will judge her badly. She says that if we stay together, she’ll get old and I will lose interest. I try to tell her that age is a state of mind, that I really love her, and that I’ve never met anyone as great as she is. But all this is making her miserable. What can I say to convince her that she is the best thing that ever happened to me?

–Not a Boy-Toy

Ms. L.B. believes that older-woman-younger-man relationships have a great chance at success, especially since many of today’s younger men are more comfortable with relaxed gender roles and non-stereotypes. But you won’t get your lady to agree if she isn’t comfortable in her own skin, so to speak. It’s going to get pretty tiresome if you have to keep convincing her she’s fabulous. You need to have a serious talk with her thusly (and, regrettably, understand that you may have to walk away eventually):

Madeline, I love you with all my heart. You know that. This is not a passing thing. Your age and life experience are things to be proud of, not ashamed of. You won’t even introduce me to your kids. I’d be willing to go with you to couples counseling because I believe in us, in what we have together. I can’t keep trying to convince you that you’re wonderful. If you don’t believe in yourself, no amount of coaxing will work, and we will have to walk away from the best thing that has ever happened to us.


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