Senior Spooning

3 Sep

Dear LetterBalm: I’m a widower after being married for almost 30 years. So, I’ve been out of the dating world for decades. Along with getting used to socializing again, I’m coping with the rules and customs of online dating for seniors. I feel ill-at-ease about sex – it’s been years, and I’m no longer a young man. I’m not interested in younger women, but even older women are keeping themselves in shape and demanding more from their partners. It’s intimidating. I need to know how to talk with a prospective partner about safe sex and having sex after such a long time married.

–Older and Wiser Romeo

You’re dealing with several factors here, any of which can make you nervous. Ms. L.B. firmly believes that the right person – and this applies to both men and women – will show the maturity to wait until a potential partner is ready for sex. You need to establish your own schedule and be true to yourself. When you’re ready, be sure to carry protection (trying out condoms in advance of sex so you’re comfortable is perfectly O.K.) and have a script prepared. You want to be confident, empathetic and honest. Here’s your version of “The Talk”:

Charlene, these last weeks have been great. You’re such a wonderful person. You know that I’ve been out of the dating pool for decades, and you’ve made it easy for me to be with a woman and enjoy her company. I think we’re both eager to take our relationship to the next level. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a woman in bed. I’m an older guy now, and I’m a bit nervous. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know about safe sex and protection and being attentive to my partner. I hope we can take things slow and show some understanding and, maybe even, humor. What do you say?

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