Baby Bump

28 Oct

Letterbalm Squalling BabyDear LetterBalm: We just had our first child, but my husband is the one who’s behaving like a baby. I had to quit my job to become a full-time mom, so he’s bringing in the only paycheck. He’s whiney, complaining and picking fights — and, forget about sex. He’s outright jealous of the time demanded by my caring for our son. If the house isn’t spotless, the errands done and dinner on the table when he gets home, he pouts and picks a fight (“You’re home all day, why can’t you take care of these simple things?”). He doesn’t want to hold our baby or even learn how to change a diaper or burp him. I thought we were on the same page about having a child, but apparently he doesn’t like taking second place temporarily to a six-week-old. This is taking a big toll on me – our son has had some minor health issues that my husband doesn’t even want to talk about. What can I say to set him straight?

–Frazzled Mom

So, who’s the baby here? Your husband is acting immaturely, even though he may well be fearful of assuming the role of sole breadwinner. But that’s no excuse for his intolerable behavior. He’s taking out his fear on you, and he’s avoiding his responsibility as supportive husband and new father. This has to stop right now. Your husband has no idea what is entailed in the care of an infant. Ms. L.B. suggests that if your child’s care permits, schedule a Saturday with the girls, and don’t tell your husband until you’re about to leave. Give him detailed instructions on the care of the baby and a full list of errands and chores. Come back at 5 p.m. and see what he says. You might also schedule a get-together with one or two male friends he respects who are fathers and who can talk some sense into him about how babies are hard work for both parents. And, he should agree to take parenting classes with you and some sessions with a family therapist. After his day of child care, while the baby is napping, sit down with Mr. Wonderful New Dad and say this:

Dennis, I will be honest: Since Davy was born you have been acting like a bigger baby than he is. This can’t go on. I thought we had agreed about having a child, but you have refused all contact with our son, which causes me great pain. He’s had some health problems, and you won’t discuss them. You expect me to take care of everything with the baby and our home, which isn’t fair and deprives you of bonding with our son. Look, I know having a child is a big step, and I know you’re concerned about losing my paycheck. But you won’t talk with me about your fears and concerns, and you’re leaving me to handle everything. We need private time together – we need to have a few dates on our own to get our equilibrium back. And, I’ve found a parenting class for us and a family therapist who can help us work though our problems before they become too big. I love you as my husband and the father of our son, and I want us to be a real family. My dear, please talk to me.

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One Response to “Baby Bump”

  1. コンバース ブーツ 豪華 11/03/2013 at 6:34 pm #

    I all the time used to read paragraph in news papers but now as I am a user of net thus from now
    I am using net for articles or reviews, thanks to web.

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