Sexual Gymnastics

30 Oct

Letterbalm Male GymnastDear LetterBalm: Help! My boyfriend was married for a long time to a woman who fought with him all the time and never wanted sex. So, now with me he wants sex all the time – sex role-playing games and every position under the sun. It was fun the first few months, but, frankly, I’m exhausted. I long for some plain-vanilla lovemaking and cuddling for awhile before we fall asleep together. He’s a great guy in all ways, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. How can I tell him without crushing his sexual enthusiasm? I still like our sex adventures, just not so much.

–Pretzel, Not

Ms. L.B. knows a legion of women who would gladly fling themselves at your boyfriend’s feet. But too much of a good thing gets cloying fast. O.K., let’s take stock. You love your guy, you think the world of him and you don’t want to quell his ardor, just have him dial back the bedroom gymnastics sometimes. You must be delicate, while you make him understand that being honest about the needs of both partners is the cornerstone of good sex. Have a chat with him when the two of you are alone and far from the bedroom:

Alfredo, without question, you have made me so happy in bed, and I’m grateful. You’re adventurous and attentive, and I’m one lucky woman – especially because you’re also a good man with a good heart. I think you’ll agree that the two of us have a unique and special relationship that will only grow better over time. Since we have all the time in the world, can I ask you to do something just for me? I love our sex adventures and don’t want them to stop, but sometimes, can we make love in a purely simple way, just a beautiful exchange between us? I want to be face-to-face so I can see you, call your name and really be intimate with you without any extras or role-playing. I even want to fall asleep cuddling together. The best sex happens when two people can be honest about their wishes, and I know you understand, yes?

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