Porno Prude?

21 Nov

Dear LetterBalm: My boyfriend and I have been together a year. Recently, he’s been begging me to watch porn with him. He says it will add spice to our love life. We already have great and imaginative sex that both of us initiate. I’m uncomfortable with his request – I’m kind of a prude about it, it turns me off, and I think he’ll be comparing me to the women he sees on the screen. But I also don’t want him slinking off and watching pornos alone. I need the words to make this just go away.

–There Is No “I” in Porn

This is a matter of individual taste. No one can call you a prude for not wanting to watch porn. There’s nothing wrong in being squeamish about watching naked bodies (some beautiful, some not so) writhing in usually badly-plotted scenarios. But Ms. L.B. doesn’t believe that your beloved’s desire to share porno viewing with you marks the beginning of the end of your relationship. How about a compromise? Women certainly have active imaginations when it comes to soft porn. Why not present your boyfriend with some ideas? Together you can explore and rent some sexually-explicit mainstream movies – the 2006 French version of “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” is quite erotic, for instance – and gently incorporate more explicit porn. There are other, more serious issues here for LetterBalm, such as if porn is a substitute for deeper connection for your boyfriend, which would be a dealbreaker for your relationship. But for now, tell him this:

Frank, we’ve had more than one talk about porn – how you want me to watch it with you, and how I am reluctant to do so. I’d like to propose a compromise. There are erotic movies out there that I, as a woman, would find arousing. Can we try an experiment? Let’s identify some of these and watch them together and see what happens. And, we have to agree to be honest with each other – if you’re bored, tell me. If I’m turned off, I’ll tell you. Maybe we’ll surprise ourselves and like this so much we can gradually move to harder stuff. I’m making no promises, but I’m willing to take small steps to start.

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