Trust Worthy

13 Jan

CellphoneDear LetterBalm: I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 24. We’ve been together for more than two years. Last year, I inadvertently found some old romantic texts from my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. When I pointed them out, he said he didn’t remember having them and he deleted them right away. The trouble is, I can’t get them out of my mind and mention it every time we fight. I feel horrible, but I can’t help myself. I know I’m being unfair – I have no reason to think my boyfriend is cheating. He’s really wonderful to me. But I find myself snooping on his Facebook page and his phone. I’m terrified I’m going to lose him because I’m so bitchy. At this point, what can I say to him?

–Suspicious Witch

You were quite young when you and your boyfriend got together. Perhaps you didn’t have many boyfriends or maybe you were hurt by one of them. Did a family member (your father? an older brother?) cheat on a loved one? Whatever the cause, you have trust issues. Do not delay. You need to calm down and get yourself into counseling to learn about yourself. It’s clear to Ms. L.B. that your boyfriend cares for you and you may lose him if you persist in what, by all evidence, appears to be groundless accusations. When you’re entering therapy, you must apologize to your man, along these lines:

Bert, I owe you an apology, bigtime. I’m sorry that I’ve been horrible to you by bringing up Charlotte every time we have an argument. It’s hurtful and unfair because it’s clear to me that your relationship with her is long over – yet I’ve persisted in bringing up the past. You are a great guy, you treat me wonderfully, and I love you. I’m putting myself into counseling starting next week to figure out why I seem to find it so hard to trust. I don’t want to spoil what we have, and I hope you will be patient with me as I try to sort myself out.

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