Place Card

20 Feb

Dear LetterBalm: Last night I had a date that was going well. After dinner, I invited my date up to my place. We were having such a good time I just wanted to continue the conversation over a cup of coffee. But he assumed I wanted to get romantic, and I had all I could do to hustle him out of my apartment. It was awkward. He left annoyed, and I don’t think he’ll call again. What can I say to a guy to make it obvious that I just want to talk without giving him false expectations? Why does a man assume that if a woman invites him into her home to close a nice evening, she wants to have sex with him?

–Not a Tease

Ms. L.B. will refrain from snide comments about the different outcomes “come up to my place” conjure in the minds of a man and a woman. Or, that any woman with a pulse leads a man to think about sex. If a man issues an invitation for a woman to come to his home, he wants sex with her, and he believes the same if the invitation comes from her. So, a woman must be crystal clear about what she intends. It’s probably best to avoid invitations early on, but if she wants to invite him in, she must know the man well enough to trust he will believe her that it’s just for coffee. No invitation on the first date and no undue flirting. And, go easy on the alcohol:

Martin, we’ve had such a great time, I’d like to continue our conversation over coffee at my place. But I want to make it clear that that’s all it will be. I believe in being honest about these things and not leading someone on. That wouldn’t be fair. You’re a great guy, and I’ve enjoyed your company this evening. Can I count on your best behavior?


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