Escorted Out

14 May

Letterbalm Escort ServiceDear LetterBalm: My boyfriend and I routinely use each other’s phone. I accidentally found a number that appeared many times over the past year. I asked him about it and he said it was a co-worker’s number. But I later checked and found that it is the number of an escort service in our city. (He doesn’t know I know this.) I also noticed other calls to the same few numbers I didn’t recognize. He and I have been together three years – he lives at my place. He told me he used escorts before we knew each other. He cheated on me with an old girlfriend, but I thought we had worked things out. My boyfriend travels a lot and has to host client evenings for his work here. He won’t invite me to these evenings – we’ve argued about this. I’m devastated because it looks like he’s cheating again, even if he and an escort don’t have sex. I don’t want to be the screaming girlfriend; I just want him to leave. How can I handle this?

–Unescorted

You know what you must do. Your boyfriend may have a compulsion for what an escort can offer, even without sex, but he’s long since ceased being honest with you. He’s also put you in the unfortunate position of having to be tested for STDs. Ms. L.B. says you want to be calm, dignified and firm. And, brief. Don’t engage your boyfriend, and don’t get involved in accusations and explanations. Prepare while he is away on a business trip. Change/secure what you feel you must, including door locks, your cell number, your bank and e-accounts. Don’t discuss this with your circle, except two trusted male friends who will be in the background at your apartment when you first confront your boyfriend. When you have everything ready, meet him at the door when he arrives from the airport. Give him a convenient time as to when you’ll be home (and, you might hire a couple of security people to monitor his packing and moving out), and speak your peace:

Mitch, don’t bother coming in or unpacking. You’ll be staying elsewhere tonight. Our relationship is over, no discussion, no argument. Come after 6 p.m. tomorrow to get your stuff, and you’ll have two more days after that to get all your things out of here before I give them to charity. Tomorrow you can give me an address where I can forward any mail. Don’t call to talk – I won’t be interested. I wish you well, and I hope you find happiness, which is more than you deserve. Now, please turn around and leave.

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