Sexting, One, Two, Three

9 Jun

Letterbalm Man SextingDear LetterBalm: I’ve been in a relationship for four years, and I used to believe my boyfriend was The One, but now I’m not so sure. He’s always treated me well, and our values seemed to mesh. Imagine my horror six months ago, when I found that my boyfriend had been sexting a woman in his office, and she’d been sending him sexy photos. He claimed there was no physical attraction, and he said he told her that he loved me. But I later found out that he has been sexting many women – most of whom send him practically naked photos. He promised not to do this again, but I think he has a big problem (which he denies). My boyfriend is very handsome – women hit on him all the time. Now he says he wants to marry me. What can I say to let my boyfriend know his behavior is serious?

–Sex on the Brain

Ms. L.B. empathizes with your predicament. You love a man who apparently uses his good looks and charm to attract women to feel special and wanted. When they respond, he feels valued. You’re correct that he’s in denial. He has an addiction that requires serious help. You can get up in his gorgeous face about it – but you have to decide whether you want to stay with someone who will always struggle with the need to be adored. Are you worth more? Prepare what you’ll say and say it just once, firmly. Don’t let him charm you:

Adonis, this is the most serious talk we will have since we’ve known each other. You’ve asked me to marry you. But I can’t promise anything – certainly, not marriage – until you honestly face your problem of sexting women and receiving sexy photos from them. You say you don’t have any interest in these women, which, when you think about it, is disrespectful of me, them and you. I’m not a psychologist, but I think you have an addiction, a compulsion you can’t control. You have a serious need to get women to want you. It makes you feel special. And, it’s easy because you’re so good-looking. My darling, you need a good therapist to work this out with you. I love you so much, but if you continue to deny your problem, we can’t move forward, and I’ll have to consider what to do. Please, for the sake of our future, get help.

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