My Girlfriend, The Flirt

18 Jul

Letterbalm Flirty GirlfriendDear LetterBalm: I met my girlfriend via an online dating site a year ago. We connected quickly, and now we see each other a couple times a week. We’ve met each other’s families and have taken a big vacation together. All this time, I didn’t know she continued to go online, checking out dating sites and contacting men, including a friend of mine. He knew about her from me, but I hadn’t introduced her yet. She asked to meet him for a drink and he told me. When I asked her about this, she admitted everything, said she met only one guy for coffee and that she had deleted all posts on all the sites. At this point, I can’t believe anything. I love my girlfriend and want us to move in together, but I can’t trust her. How can I get to the bottom of this?

–Lover Boy

You haven’t supplied a critical piece of information: How old are you and your girlfriend? If the two of you are inexperienced in love, it’s quite possible you have invested more in this relationship than it warrants. This is not to say that you and your lady love aren’t good people, but sometimes timing is the problem. She may not be ready for the kind of trust and commitment you want. She certainly seems to be keeping her dating options open. Ms. L.B. says you should think long and hard about moving forward with this lady because you may be opening yourself up to endless heartbreak and betrayal. It may be kinder to let her go, even if your heart is breaking. In love, lack of trust is a dealbreaker. Be kind but firm:

Alexis, we’ve talked about dating sites and you continuing to access them. It makes me uncomfortable because it tells me you want to keep looking for other guys. You’re not ready for an exclusive relationship. It’s O.K., we’re just in different places. It makes me sad to say this, but I think it’s better if we stop seeing each other. You’re a great person and I wish you all the best.

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