Distant Lover

9 Sep

Dear LetterBalm: How can I tell my boyfriend he’s not that good in bed? I met him after my husband and I divorced after 15 years of marriage. I was eager for new lovemaking, but he turned out to be fairly ordinary and, well, speedy. To make matters worse, he constantly brags that women before me have told him that sex with him is fantastic. Ordinarily, I’d break things off with him, but he’s wonderful in many ways, and we really mesh. What can I say to help him be a better lover?

–Unsatisfied

If music helps put your boyfriend in the mood, Ms. L.B. suggests some Marvin Gaye or Barry White. In the meantime, you’re going to have to become an amateur psychologist. It’s fairly certain that your guy is thin-skinned about criticism and insecure and uncomfortable with long-term committed relationships. It’s also fairly certain that his former lovers found it easier to tell him how great he was, rather than the truth, which probably would have him putting his clothes on and walking off in a huff. Delicacy and diplomacy are called for. From time to time, you need to suggest that you take the lead, as you suggest some moves that you like: It will be fun, darling! Put on your prettiest lingerie and keep it light and playful, sweet kisses and caresses as you’re whispering and sighing. This isn’t the time for a Big Serious Talk:

Jeremy, I’m taking the lead tonight. It’s so wonderful to make love with you, darling, and now I’ve got some moves of my own I think you’ll like. You’re so big and strong and such a bighearted guy, I know you want us to be happy tonight.

[You get the idea …]

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