High School Booty Call

14 Oct

Dear LetterBalm: I’m now 24 years old, and I’ve been on-and-off with a man since high school. We first dated then. It was easy because we went to the same school. But when we’d break up, he’d get cold and distant. We went to different colleges and got together over holiday and summer breaks. We’re now dating, but he still hasn’t introduced me to his family, and a lot of dates are last-minute. The sex between us is very good – sometimes I think that’s all he’s interested in. I think we have a lot in common because we’ve known each other for so long. I love him and want to marry him and have kids. What can I say to get him to move off the mark and commit to me?

–Marriage Minded

Honey, you’ll be biding your time until you’re ready for retirement. You’re in love with a guy who has never treated you as anything more than a booty call for more than half a decade. You haven’t met his parents? He calls you last-minute? Nothing is developing between you except in your own mind. You have to ask why you undervalue yourself to such an extent. Please don’t angle to marry this man because he’s sleepier than Rip Van Winkle; he won’t wake up and decide he loves you. (And, if you get pregnant by him, Ms. L.B. will come over and box your ears.) Sure, you can stroll along in the current dating arrangement, if that’s all you want. If you want more, stop seeing him and put yourself out there for a man who wants more, too. Tell this to your high-school buddy:

Pat, we’ve known each other since high school, and we’ve dated a lot, but nothing serious has come of it. I want more out of life, and you can’t give it to me. Don’t worry, that’s O.K. – we just want different things. I think it’s best if we don’t date each other anymore. I’ll always wish you well and be your friend, and I hope you find happiness in life.

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