Strip Maul

22 Oct

Letterbalm G-String with MoneyDear LetterBalm: A few months ago, my sister’s husband died in a car crash. She and he were married only 5 years, and they had no children. She’s understandably depressed – she’s in a therapy group for young spouse survivors. So, to cheer her up, her girlfriends and I hired a male stripper for her birthday party. We were all having a great time, laughing and stuffing bills in his G-string. He was handsome and funny, and he really got into the dancing and flirting. We had a lot of champagne, and, as the party was winding down, I walked into the bedroom and caught my sister and the stripper having sex. Afterwards, she and I had a big fight and we called each other names. She cried, and we haven’t spoken in weeks. I still think she was wrong to do what she did. What can I say to her?

–Bump and Grind

Please don’t delay. You need to reach out to your sister right away. Sure, what she and the stripper did was inappropriate, but alcohol was involved and your sister’s judgment was impaired. (Ms. L.B. leaves to her imagination what the stripper was thinking.) Having a stripper at her birthday celebration maybe wasn’t the best thing to do, good intentions aside. Clearly, your sib is sad, depressed and, perhaps, angry at her loss. She’s grieving. She probably was embarrassed by her indiscretion and defensive about it. Please don’t judge your sister; don’t press her for an explanation. She needs warmth and kindness from you. Apologize unconditionally. If she won’t take your calls or texts, mail her a note, something like this:

Dear Gina,

I’m sorry for hurting you on your birthday. It was meant to be a fun celebration, and I never should have judged you for what happened. I can’t possibly know what you’ve been going through since Dean’s passing, and I should have shown more understanding.

As an apology, I’d like to take us to the Mimosa spa for one of our relaxing days together – my treat.

Please, can we go back to the loving relationship we’ve always had? You and I are each other’s touchstone, and I always want to be there for you. Can you forgive me?

Love always,

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