Tangled Marriage

30 Oct

Dear LetterBalm: My story is convoluted. My man and I have been together for several years. We have a daughter together, and I’m pregnant with our second child due in January. We got married in June. Two months into the marriage, my husband left, saying he had to have his space. I learned from a friend that he was living with another woman. He‘s been unfaithful before, but he said I pushed him into cheating with my nagging and arguing. He says he doesn’t want a divorce. In spite of everything, I still love him and want to work on our marriage. How can I convince him to come back once and for all?

–Pregnant and Pining

It’s a hard truth to face, but your husband checked out of your relationship even before the two of you got married. He’s immature and unable to commit, and he blames you for his cheating. Even if the two of you engaged in battle royals, nobody can be “pushed” into being unfaithful. Do you really want to be married to this man? Consider what life with him will be like ten, fifteen years down the road. Your husband is bad relationship material, and you must concentrate on the future. Ms. L.B. says you have two compelling reasons to get your life in order: Your young daughter and your unborn child. Please find the strength to talk with a therapist to start your healing process. And, see a lawyer and protect your finances. Your husband may be a weasel, but he owes his children financial support. Depending on what your attorney says, you might move his things to storage, change your locks and ensure your e-devices/settings are secure. Then have a phone conversation with your husband thusly:

Travis, I’ve seen an attorney, and, with his recommendation, I’ve had your things safely moved to a storage facility. It’s in your name, I’ve paid the first month, and I’ve mailed the information and my lawyer’s business card to you at Susan’s address, where you live now. You and I are finished, and I’m concentrating on my future with my daughter and unborn child. I suggest you get a lawyer because I’ll be moving forward with a divorce. You’re not a stupid man, you know I have excellent grounds, and I’ll seek financial support for our children. It’s the least you can do for them. Have your lawyer contact mine, please. I hope you can straighten out your life.

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