Toy Story

3 Nov

Letterbalm Sex ToysDear LetterBalm: My husband wants us to try out sex toys together, and he’s been pretty insistent about it. I really like my vibrator, which I use privately because it satisfies me more than my husband does. He doesn’t know I have one, and I’m afraid that if we use toys, I’ll be so orgasmic that he’ll feel inadequate. I don’t see this going anywhere positive. What can I say to him to get him to cool his jets?

Not a Blowup Doll

You realize, of course, that there are dozens of women who would say that your husband’s desire to spice up your sex life is a delightful state of affairs. Ms. L.B. thinks you might be overreacting; since the dawn of time, women have taken matters into their own hands (and devices) to supplement their partners’ efforts at making love. Your husband has got hold of a good idea, and he won’t give up. Attempting to put him off will only make thing worse for the two of you. Why don’t you try to work together? The two of you can research sex toys together – remember, there are toys for men’s pleasure, too – and be honest about what appeals or doesn’t appeal to each of you. You don’t have to tell your husband about your vibrator. But if you do, keep it light and neutral. You might tell him you have a vibrator and use it occasionally and weren’t sure about his reaction. Sit with him (not in bed, though) and talk gently and sincerely. He is your best beloved, after all:

Darling, you’ve been wanting to introduce sex toys into our marriage. At first, I wasn’t happy about this, but now I realize I was mistaken. It may surprise you to know that, like most women, I’ve used a vibrator from time to time. After thinking about it, this could be just what you and I need. I think it’s endearing of you to want us to have more imagination in our sex life together – it makes me love you even more. We can go online and see what’s out there and what does and doesn’t appeal to each of us. And, we have to respect each other’s wishes and be honest with each other because, well, this won’t work if we aren’t.

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