Wedding Breakup

5 Nov

Letterbalm Angry BrideDear LetterBalm: Last month, my best friend since high school got married. I was happy for her and happy to be chosen to be in the wedding party. At the wedding, I learned that the groom told his family and friends that I got drunk at the bachelorette party, fought with the bride, staged scenes, etc. This was false, and my friend knew she had spread these lies. She didn’t come to my defense with good reason. Her history is pretty bad (alcohol, bad relationships, petty crime), and I was the friend who bailed her out, argued with her about her choices, listened to her and gave advice. The bride needed me to be portrayed as the bad influence in the eyes of her new husband and his circle. After their honeymoon, she e-mailed me, saying we could no longer be friends, that she didn’t want me in her new life. It broke my heart – and it infuriated me. How should I respond?

–The Good Girl

You were dumped ceremoniously at a wedding, weren’t you? A painful injustice was done to you. You were there for your friend through bad times and good ones, and she turned her back on you and let her lies stand. It looks like she is re-inventing herself for her husband and his family at your expense. She’s nervous about her shady past and letting her husband control their life together. You must continue to be the bigger person; you won’t get satisfaction and you won’t be able to defend yourself. Ms. L.B. suggests a simple, sincere e-mail. Tell her you’ll be there (that is, if you still want to be), because it’s almost a sure bet she’s going to need you down the road:

Dear Nina –

I received your e-mail, and I’m sorry you feel our long friendship must end. But you have a new life now, and I respect your decision. May you and Tim have a long and happy life together. I’ll miss you and what our friendship meant to us. If you ever need me, I’ll be there.

Fondly/As always/Love,

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