Revenge on Toast

18 Nov

Dear LetterBalm: My husband and I married right out of college. He went on to medical school while I supported us as a dental hygienist. My husband got involved with a fellow resident, and their affair continued for two years before he asked me for a divorce. I was stunned and angry, as you can imagine. Our divorce came through several months ago, and they are already engaged. I did some online snooping and found out that his fiancée was found guilty of shoplifting and passing bad checks in college. I think her medical administrators should know this. How can I get the word anonymously to them?                

–Civic Citizen

Civic citizen? You are more like an angry ex-spouse, still grieving over the loss of her marriage and terrible betrayal by her ex-husband. It sounds like he was unfaithful for a good portion of your marriage; you have every right to feel outraged and humiliated. He broke your trust. Please do nothing about the information you found. You don’t know details, and it may be that your ex’s fiancée gave full disclosure at the time she entered medical school. Her record also may have been expunged or she may have complied with a fine and community service. Reporting to the medical authorities anonymously will give you hollow comfort. Your action may even be traced back to you somehow. Ms. L.B. urges you to seek counseling to process what happened to you and start your healing journey. Once you’ve regained perspective, you can work up a simple statement, useful in many situations, from dating to inquisitive new acquaintances:

I married right out of college. My husband went to medical school while I worked to support us. The marriage didn’t last. It took me awhile to recover and regain trust, but I’m glad to say I’ve moved on.

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