Climax by Appointment

23 Feb

Letterbalm Sexy Time CalendarDear LetterBalm: I always had a satisfying sex life, no problems having an orgasm. But I’m over 50 now, and it’s more difficult and uncomfortable for me – I must rely on topical moisture creams and gels because I can’t take hormone therapy for various reasons. Besides, I’ve had a couple of bad breakups and haven’t been in a relationship for the past five years. All this is affecting my current dating relationship, making things less spontaneous. I’ve been seeing a very nice man for four months. He’s a tender lover, but he gets disappointed when he doesn’t satisfy me. We’re going away for a week soon, and he’s booked us into a beautiful bed-and-breakfast. Champagne and strawberries, blazing fire, the whole thing. He’s announced that I’ll have orgasms. I’ve never faked one, but I’m tempted. If I don’t I’m afraid he’ll lose interest and break things off. How can I talk to him without bruising his ego?

–Not an Orgasmatron

Quick! Have an orgasm in three … two … one … BINGO! Your man can’t be that devoted and sensitive if he thinks you can come on command. That he has imposed a deadline creates even more tension for you. He’s being unfair and putting pressure on you for something that should evolve naturally. You’re dealing with normal changes in your body and the absence of sex for several years prior to your current sexual relationship. All these factors are contributing to your anxiety, and his anxiety makes things worse. Ms. L.B. suggests you pick your moment when your man is relaxed and undistracted (not in bed) and have a warm, loving conversation. Be frank but be gentle because guys don’t like to talk with a woman about sex; they’d rather do it:

Russell, I’m really looking forward to our trip, but there’s something we need to talk about frankly. Please try not to be uncomfortable about it. We’ve both been anxious about my response when we make love. Please believe me when I say that it’s not you – you’re tender and you do all the things that please me. I love making love with you. But things are happening to me that are interfering with my ability to experience orgasm as easily as I did before. I’m older, my body is changing, and, before you, I hadn’t been with a man for several years. All these things mean it’s harder for me to come these days. But I’m feeling under pressure to perform in bed on schedule. I know you don’t mean to do it, but it adds to our stress. Can’t we just look forward to our trip and enjoy ourselves, no pressure, no goals? Let’s just relax and enjoy ourselves. Do you agree?

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