Wifely Duties

7 May

Dear LetterBalm: My wife is chronically too tired to have sex. We’ve been married for 11 years and always enjoyed a good love life. But since the birth of our second daughter two years ago, she’s just not interested. She either can’t see or refuses to see why it is so important to me and why it worries me so much. She says she’s too tired and stressed out to even consider sex. She gets angry when I try to talk to her about our having sex only every two months or so and that she mechanically goes through the motions. How can I make her see that she’s threatening our marriage?

–Annoyed Husband

Just what a wife wants to hear: You’re not having sex enough, you’re not pleasing me and you’re the death of our marriage. Ms. L.B. has a hunch that you’re being a bit heavy-handed, right? You might want to lighten up and stop the blame. Is it possible your wife is too tired and stressed out? Is she juggling motherhood, household duties and a job? She may be run-down, due for a physical. Evaluate your role in your marriage. Do you help with the kids? Attend their school functions? Help your wife around the house, unasked? Talk with her as an equal partner about matters other than sex and dissatisfaction? Try a little tenderness. Talk with your wife with the kids out of the house. She might surprise you:

Honey, I’ve been hard on you lately and I’m sorry. You do such a great job with the kids, the house and your work at the consignment shop, that sometimes I forget how much you do. You must be tired and stressed, and you have every right to be angry with me. I’m glad you noticed that I’m trying to pitch in – I’m really sorry I let things go around the house. I think you might need to see the doctor to make sure everything is O.K. And, I think you need some time without the kids every once in awhile to take a break. You and I need some evenings to ourselves, too. Maybe we need some couples counseling to work some things out. Let’s talk about this.


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