Sex Talk

18 May

Letterbalm CondomsDear LetterBalm: I’m a single mom raising a son, who’s 15. He’s a good kid who does well in school, likes sports and hangs out with a nice group of boys. Yesterday, while I was sorting the laundry, I cleaned out the pockets of my son’s jeans and found condoms. I don’t know what to do. To say I’m shocked and troubled is an understatement. I don’t want to confront him and drive him away, but I feel I have to say something and fast. Fifteen is awfully young to be having sex, and I want him to know how important this is. We’ve always been able to talk, so I have that going for us. Should I get his uncle (my brother) to talk with him?

–Horrified Mom

Calm, calm. You’ll have to walk a fine line here. Your son will probably come back with age-old excuses: “I found them.” “They’re not mine. Somebody gave them to me.” “I’m holding them for a friend.” You – not your brother – want to approach your son without judgment, yet you want to make him realize that this is serious business and your hair is on fire. He needs to act responsibly if he’s sexually active. You want a dialogue with him. Have you ever talked with your son about the serious repercussions if he gets involved with an underage partner, fathers a child or contracts an STD? No better time than now. He also needs to know that condoms aren’t foolproof.  Ms. L.B. advises you to think about what you’ll say (do some online research if necessary) and pick a moment when your son is relaxed and free of electronic distractions. Turn off cellphones and videogames. Keep coolly cool, Mom, but remember that this is no time to be shy:

Kyle, we need to talk. Yesterday, when I was doing the laundry, I found condoms in your jeans. Can you explain? [Listen patiently and don’t react. Wait until he stops and is quiet.] I’m not interested in how you got them because there are more serious issues here. I’m concerned because I don’t think 15 is old enough to be having sex. It’s a complex matter, one of the most complicated things anyone can deal with in life. But I also know that I can’t stop you if you really want to have sex. If you are, you must be responsible. You need to know that one mistake can affect your whole life. You need to know that teenagers are losing college scholarships and acceptances, getting thrown off athletic teams, and, in some cases, being charged with rape and having to register as sex offenders for having sex with underage girls. Latex condoms are good, but they can break, and, if used ineffectively or not every time, you can get an STD or HIV or father a child, which means years of responsibility. If you are going to be mature about this, you need to see Dr. Anderson for a physical, and I hope you’ll ask him lots of questions. Kyle, believe me when I say that none of this is a joke and that I’m not overreacting. What do you think about all this?


Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s