The Weight

17 Jun

Letterbalm Woman's Feet on ScaleDear LetterBalm: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. He’s been making gentle hints that I should lose some weight. I could stand to lose 25 pounds. My boyfriend talks about the wife of a good friend of his, how she and her husband look so good together. I started attending weight-loss meetings recently, but it’s slow, and he’s not very encouraging. I’m disheartened. I don’t want to break up with him because I love him and he has many good qualities. But I’m beginning to think this weight thing was just an excuse to break up with me. Next steps?

–No More Fat

So, your boyfriend thinks you should lose weight, and he isn’t shy with his “gentle hints”? Apparently, his good qualities don’t extend to compassion and unconditional love. Ms. L.B. says your next steps should comprise, first, thoughtful contemplation of how you feel about yourself and what you think a partner should contribute to a relationship with you. (A therapist is good here.) Second, see how your boyfriend shapes up – no pun intended – in this analysis. Betcha he fails. You’ve already lost a year with him. Do you want to waste more time? When you’re ready, you certainly can sit with him in person and break up with him. This is more than he’s owed, but you can be the bigger person – again, no pun intended:

Wesley, I’ve been doing some serious thinking about us, and I believe we shouldn’t see each other anymore. You obviously have issues with my weight, and it seems that outer beauty is important to you in a woman. I’m looking for other things in a partner, and you don’t have them. So, it’s best that we move on – no anger or judgment on either side – and find what we’re looking for. I wish you all the best.

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