Rescinded Invitation

15 Jul

Letterbalm You're Not InvitedDear LetterBalm: I have a wedding etiquette problem, and, as the bride, I have to take care of it. My fiancé and I are to be married in December. Last year, my fiancé’s best friend began going out with a woman I know casually. The only reason she would have been invited to our wedding and a couple of bridal showers and other gatherings is because of her relationship with my guy’s friend; before that, I wasn’t planning to invite her at all. Well, last month they had a nasty breakup (mostly on her part), and it’s clear she expects to be included in the wedding and other festivities because she got in touch with my sister, requesting information about the showers. My fiancé and I have been vigilant about the guest list – we aren’t letting the numbers get out of hand. Besides, neither he nor I want this woman anywhere near us. How do I disinvite her (the wedding invitations haven’t gone out yet)?

–Gatekeeper Bride

Ms. L.B. advises the direct, no-frills approach. Call her – don’t do this via e-mail or texting – and tell her clearly and politely that she’s disinvited. Presumably, she’ll have the maturity not to use her declassé status to badmouth you and your groom; she’ll be the only one looking bad. This is what you might say to her:

Alexis, I know you were to be included in our wedding and festivities, but things have changed. You were invited because you were dating Ron, my fiancé’s best friend. I understand you’ve contacted my sister Nancy to find out details about the bridal showers. You need to know this: Now that you and Ron are no longer seeing each other, our wedding plans don’t include you. I’m sorry if this seems capricious or unfair, but I’m sure you can understand that this is how it must be.

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