Swear Words

29 Jul

Letterbalm Single Swear BubbleDear LetterBalm: My boyfriend is a great person – kind, intelligent and fun. But when we argue, he swears something awful, usually directed at me. Sometimes it makes me cry. He says he’s sorry, but he doesn’t stop – when he loses his temper, he unleashes horrible language. I told him his profanity is crude, rude and disrespectful, and he says he knows that. I’ve asked him to go to counseling with me about it. He always promises, but then he says he doesn’t have the time, so we don’t go. I need to know if his bad habit will ever stop and if it is serious enough to threaten our future together.

–Stopping Up My Ears

Only you can know if your beloved’s language takes you to the breaking point. Is he directing his profanity to you as a person? Or, is he using bad language to describe the situation in general? These are two very different things. Ms. L.B. notes that the first is genuine verbal abuse; the second is blowing off steam (albeit in a crude, obnoxious way). If your boyfriend won’t consent to counseling, go yourself. You need to find the root of your distress. Did you witness a family member swearing, your father, perhaps, to your mother? Do the current arguments get loud, which can magnify your angst? Do try one more time to convince your man to go to counseling with you. Say this, calmly and with love:

Ralph, you know how your swearing bothers me. It is so obviously not you – and, it’s a shame because you are the kindest and warmest person. You’ve promised to go to counseling, but you keep putting it off. I think it’s so important to our future together, that I’ve booked an appointment with a counselor for the two of us on Tuesday. It’s an early morning session, before we go to work. If you won’t go, I have to believe you don’t care that much about finding out why you use bad language. I can’t accept that. Please come with me. We love each other, and this is for us.

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