Super Mom

7 Aug

Letterbalm MomDear LetterBalm: My boyfriend and I have been together a long time, almost eight years. We get along really well and love each other. We’re married in all but name. We don’t have kids, but he has two young sons from his marriage that we’ve been raising. They know I’m not their birth mother – she left them after the younger one was only six months old – and we all love one another like a natural family. In the past few months, the older one has been asking about his “real mom” and how he will meet her when he’s older. My boyfriend has been really good about not criticizing his ex to his kids, and he always answers their questions. But I’m terrified the boys will love her more than me and form a loving relationship with her. I know it’s irrational, but I need reassurance. How can I ask my boyfriend without sounding like a crazy person?

–Mommie Dear

Well, you have a lot of stuff on your plate – raising two young boys isn’t an easy job. So, Ms. L.B. will cut you some slack when you obsess about the possibility they’ll meet their birth mom and immediately forget all about you. But she also wants you to take comfort in the fact that you’ve been there for them every day, instilling love and kindness. They see their father and you together, a loving couple. You’ve been setting a good example just by waking up every day and fixing them breakfast, for heaven’s sake. So, take heart. Have a loving chat with your boyfriend, something like this:

Anton, you and the boys have been the best thing to ever happen to me. I can’t believe how happy we all are as a family. You’re a great dad, and you support me in every way to be the best mom I can be. I think of Parker and Zach as my own sons. But I feel insecure when Parker says he wants to meet his birth mom and get to know her. I feel like he and Zach will turn their backs on me and love her more. I know this is irrational, but I need some reassurance, honey. I get anxious thinking that your ex can just take over in their affections. What do you think about this?

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