Dear LetterBalm: Once a year, I get together with old high school friends I’ve known since the 1980s. A few of them come back to our town for Thanksgiving. I’ve always secretly liked one of the guys, but he’s never expressed an interest in me. But last Thanksgiving he started flirting with me. I’ve been thinking of him ever since, and this November I think we’re going to make our move. I told a girlfriend about my plan, and she said it wasn’t a good idea because he’s in a bad marriage and it would just complicate things. Besides, I have a longtime boyfriend, but things are kinda dead between us. Now I need to know what to do about this guy. What should I do?
–Confused Wannabe Girlfriend
Confused? My dear, you’re positively addled. You’re drawing close to entering affair mode. You’re reaching out to flirt with an unattainable guy and not telling your partner about it. How would you feel if he secretly got together with an old crush and didn’t tell you? You need to answer some questions. Why do you need to go outside your relationship for thrills? What does this suggest about what you and your guy have? What are the symptoms? And, don’t go sniffing around the other guy, who isn’t a good bet (your girlfriend gave you invaluable advice). Ms. L.B. advises you to work on the relationship you have. If it’s truly “kinda dead”, then end it. If your old friend from decades ago decides to flirt, quash it. Say something like this, short and sweet:
Kevin, last year we flirted, which was fun but an unwise thing to do. It was unfair to our partners. You’re married, I’m in a longtime relationship. Let’s stick with friendship and leave everything else alone.